IN SUPPORT OF MARRIAGE
What Can the Local Church Do?

by JERRY L. ROGERS

THE TEARS IN HER EYES and the tremor in his voice were broke my heart. Another Christian Couple, now separated, headed toward a divorce.

Divorce is, unfortuneately, becoming all too common in Christendom. We live in a society with an instant-gratification mind-set, and many Christians have been influenced by this way of thinking. If the marriage doesn't bring individuals what they want or think they need now, they are ready to dissolve the marriage. Many are not willing to wait on the Lord and allow Him to work in both their lives.

This impatient attitude toward resolution or marital problems has become a poisonous pill in many Christian marriages. Don't misunderstand me; God can, and sometimes does work instantly to right the wrongs that have built up in our marriages. Most often, however, God works with us gradually, step-by-step, as we follow His guidance day by day.

Some who claim to be dedicated Christians, I have discovered, have also fallen prey to this impatient spirit and have failed to make a sincere effort to work through the problems in their troubled marriages. They never took the time or made the effort to make and keep their marriage relationship strong. It is as if they believe that because they are Spirit-filled, they could not possibly be at fault. Then based on this assumption, one (or both) of the spouses begins to take a mental stance that the other spouse is the one who needs counseling or needs to change.

When one buys into the idea that he/she does not need to change, that puts the burden for salvaging the marriage on the spouse, thus removing the feeling of responsibility for trying to make the marriage work. When this attitude reaches into the heart and hardens it toward the marriage, resolution and reconcilliation is difficult.

Presently the divorce rate in the United States is roughly 50 percent. That is a staggering percentage, but it is becoming a ho-hum figure that is readily accepted without much concern. What really alarms me, however, is that the divorce rate for those who consider themselves mainline, fundamental Protestantws is at a heft 25 percent. An additional factor that makes the figure so alarming is that 90 percent of the Christian divorces happen after the couples become Christians.

If these statistics are even close to correct, the question is this: Where is the church falling short, if indeed it is, in supporting marriages? For those who might argue that is is not the church's responsibility to care for the health of a marriage relationship, consider this: The health of the marriages in the body of Christ reflects the overall spiritual health of the church. True believers are the bridge of Christ, and marriage is symbolic of that relationship (Ephesians 5:24-32).

What Can the Church Do?

Is there really anything the church can do? The answer is a resounding yes. Consider the following to support and strengthen the marriages within your congration:

• Offer classes dealing with relationship issues.
• Preach occasional sermons from the pulpit on the sanctity of the marriage relationship
• Make marital counseling available-outside of the church staff if necessary. (Some couples will no go to the church staff for counseling because of embarrassment.)
• Set up a marriage enrichment seminar.
• Encourage married couples to take one night a week and go on a date.
• Have a weekend retreat for married couples (minus the children).

Will these alone lessen the instance of Christian divorce? No, not aline. The individual marriage partners must keep their personal relationship with Jesus Christ alive and vibrant, as well as their relationship with each other. If Christ is not the center of the marriage, the marriage relationship will never be truly complete.

Even in the best of marriages, disagreements will come, but the way to weather any problem is to keep God on the throne of our hearts and acknowledge Jesus as the head of our marriages and our lives. When we keep His lordship in perspective, we will then be able to address the marital problems we encounter and enable Him who created marriage to mend the marriage.

Dr. Jerry L Rogers is a clinical Christian psychologist, licensed as a clinical pastoral counselor.